Crafting for Healing

As I, and we, have worked to heal from our most recent loss, I have been putting a lot of focus in other areas of my life. On May 4, 2018, I graduated from Michigan State University with my Masters' Degree, and that was a feat on its own. Two straight school years of classes along with teaching, coaching, and attempting to start a family. A huge weight was lifted when I walked across that stage. Hours of homework each week while trying to lesson plan and be about half of the teacher that I could be given everything I was going through was difficult.

Part of my healing has come through crafting. For a long time after my first loss, I didn't want to do any kind of crafting because I had so many plans for our baby's nursery. My Pinterest feed was filled with nursery decor and everything baby. I couldn't even open the app for a while. Since my second loss, I have started to use crafting to help me through all of the grief that I am experiencing.

This post is going to be riddled with the different things that I have made over the last several months and what they have meant to my healing.

The first time since winter break that I spent any time working on crafts was Mothers' Day weekend. I had finally convinced my husband to let me stay home while he was going to his parents because I didn't want to be around anyone while I was feeling the way that I was about the whole weekend. So I crafted.

The first thing I worked on was a project that I had started for my nephew a long time ago. It was a baseball in the shape of a cross with a verse from the bible for his bedroom. I had a hard time working on it after my first loss. First, I took apart a baseball which ruins the red stitching. I used red yarn and a yarn needle to restitch all the red. I used just regular red yarn. My husband brought me the baseball from work, I bought the piece of wood from Hobby Lobby, used acrylic paint that I already had, and then white vinyl on my Cricut for the wording. I used gray paint because it matched his room, and I don't really like working with stain. The inspiration I used from Pinterest had the board stained a dark brown color. As always with anything vinyl and painted, I sealed it all with Mod Podge.

The next thing I worked on that day was a fall banner for my house. I love fall. It is my favorite season of the year. It has the best weather, the best colors, and the best holiday of all time. I have a couple of other posts on here about fall crafting, and the different things that I have done, and this one will include a couple more.

The inspiration for the banner came from this  <--Pinterest post. This was a full on Cricut project. I currently have the Cricut Explore Air 2. I used cardstock that I already had in my house because I am a paper crafter/scrapbooker by nature. The ribbon, twine, and flower embellishment were left over from other projects, and I thought they added something to this banner. The paper cutouts are all stock in the Cricut Design Studio. It was an extremely cheap project, and I just have to figure out how to hang it up on my door this fall.

The next thing that I worked on, which ended up being quite extensive, was a first/last day of school board for my nephew. He's starting Kindergarten this year, and the first day of school thing is a big deal on Pinterest, so I went for it.

The supplies I used are:

• 2' X 2' piece of wood - purchased at Home Depot
• Red, White, and Black Cricut vinyl
• Cricut transfer tape
• Cricut Explore Air 2 and Design Space
• Cricut Dry Erase Vinyl
• Black and Red acrylic paint.
• Mod Podge

 Again, I used a lot of stock images and font to cut the different things out. My husband works for a place that does a lot of screen printing and embroidering, so he was able to get me a vector image of the school logo where my nephew is going to go to school, and this is how it turned out. The school colors are black, white, and red, so that is recurring through the entire project. As always with anything painted and vinyl, it is sealed with Mod Podge. Cameron didn't really understand it when I gave it to him, but I know his mom appreciates it.

 Right around Valentine's Day, I found out that one of my really good friends was expecting. This was right around the time that we had lost our second. I had a really hard time with this next couple of projects. While I was suffering on the inside, I didn't want anyone to feel any less loved or appreciated, so through the pain and tears, I made these next two things for her. The hat and diaper cover set is something that I have made for several of my friends. They are huge Cubs fans, so I had to find the pattern for a C, and then just changed the yarn colors appropriately. The baseball button on the diaper cover was a purchase from Hobby Lobby that has come in handy plenty over the last several years of my crocheting.

The blanket that you see on the right there, with my adorable puppy standing on it, is a car seat blanket. My mother in law sent me this pattern, and I used Bernat chunky yarn that had several colors in one. She is having a boy so I stuck with something that had blue in it. They make so many patterns and colors now it's unreal! For this blanket, with this super chunky yarn, I think I left off 4 or 5 rows because it was going to be really big. That being said, I did follow the pattern perfectly throughout in terms of number of stitches and rows with the exception of the end. This particular blanket has two openings for the harness of the carseat to go between and hook in.

This is a project that I started right around when school was getting out. I have wanted to make one of these chevron blankets for a long time, and this was a huge part of my healing process. A baby born after a miscarriage is called a rainbow baby, and I made this with the intention of giving it to my own rainbow baby someday. I used all Caron Simply Soft yarn in the different colors. I think the only two yarns that are different are the orange and the yellow because I wanted brighter colors. It's not quite complete yet, as you can see from the gray near the top, but it is something that has helped me through the grieving process.

This project was one completed for my sister when she moved in to her new house this past spring. She wanted something to hold keys and change when they came through the door. Supplies are:

• large piece of wood - I purchased this at Michael's for $12.99 and I used a coupon
• large mason jar - I purchased this one at Joann Fabrics on clearance for $0.97
• key hooks - purchased at Menard's for $0.98 each. I did 4 because that's how it worked out on the board.
• hose clamp - 4" diameter to accommodate the larger mason jar purchased at Lowe's for $3 I think
• Cricut Explore Air 2, White vinyl, transfer tape, and Cricut Design Space.
• Mod Podge for sealing and finishing

The words were cut at 2.5 inches because that's how big the spaces were on the board. I wish I could have made them a little bigger, but I don't think it would have worked well with the vinyl. We had quite a situation when attaching everything because the wood was thin and the screws were long. We had to go to some creative measures to make sure that no one would get stabbed and that it wouldn't mark up the wall.

 So for my last project, we are back to the fall. Earlier this year when I made the curtains for our spare bedroom, I had extra fabric and I made a couple of pillow covers to match using this tutorial from Pinterest. It was super easy to follow and the covers came out perfect.

Now, earlier this summer, I took a beginners sewing class at Joann Fabrics. It wasn't super beneficial to me in terms of being able to use my sewing machine or teaching me new things, but one thing I did get out of it was the magnetic seam guide. This thing has been a God send. When I first learned how to use a sewing machine, the person put a piece of painter's tape on the machine for me to follow to sew in a straight line. The magnetic seam guide does that while also providing something solid to follow up against. You line up the edge with whatever your seam allowance is, and then sew up against it. So amazing. I bought mine at Joann. It normally retails for about $5. I think I got mine for somewhere around $2.50 with a coupon, and it is some of the best money I have spent for my sewing machine. The photo on the right above shows the use of the magnetic seam guide as I was using it for this project.

For this project, I wanted to make some fall themed pillows to put on my couch for the fall months, and I wanted to make envelope pillows so that I could change them out for Christmas. I am super big into decorating for those two seasons specifically. The other ones are slowly catching up, but I don't think they will ever truly be equal. I made three pillows for this project. I wanted two to be the same and then another accent pillow.

Supplies for this project included:

• Fall themed fabric - Purchased at Joann Fabrics. The pumpkin fabric was $9.99/yd on sale for $6.99/yd. I purchased one yard of this fabric for two pillows. The leafy, floral fabric was $12.99/yd on sale for $9.09/yd. I purchased half a yard of this fabric for the accent pillow.
• Three Pillow Forms - I bought pillow forms because they are envelope cases and the pillows go in and out easily. I purchased two 14x14 pillows. They regularly retail for $12.99. I also purchased on 12x16 pillow which regularly retails for $14.99. All of the pillow forms were on sale for 40% off when I went shopping, so score!
• Thread - I bought a maroon thread to accent the colors in both fabrics. I could have used any colors because the seam lines are not really visible in these type of pillow cases. 
• Sewing machine & accessories - I have a Singer sewing machine
• Cutting mat - Not super necessary, but I use one because it saves my surfaces :)
• Rotary cutter and fabric scissors - the rotary cutter is amazing for helping with straight lines
• Ruler, tape measure - again for help with straight lines

For the 14x14 pillows, I followed the tutorial exactly. I did cut my fabric with a one inch seam allowance on either side just because I did not trust myself to be so perfect with it as I am just a beginner. The half inch seam allowance on the sides made me nervous. For the 12x16 pillow, I cut the fabric at 13x38 following her instructions on the measurements and adjusting them to a different size pillow. The longer part of the pillow is where the envelope ended up, but it worked for this fabric because there is no true up/down pattern. While I am not wishing for fall to get here any sooner than it will be here, I am excited to start pulling out those decorations.

I am so happy that my love for crafting has begun to return as I have worked through everything over the last year. I still have a long way to go, but I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Until next time...

Strength

What does it mean to be strong? How do you know you are strong?

The more I hear that word, the worse I feel about it. After writing a message about how God is good, and being blessed with a new pregnancy, it is with a heavy heart that I have to write that a second little angel was called to heaven before their time.

As I laid on the table in the ultrasound room, waiting to see and hear this new little baby that we were bringing into the world, there is nothing to describe the absolute devastation that would follow. There was no baby. We had a gestational sac and everything was where it was supposed to be, but there was no baby, no heartbeat. Just am empty sac. To go from such hope and happiness to despair and devastation is difficult to describe. I couldn't cry. I could just sit there and wonder why this had to happen to me again.

I am not sure where to go from here. Something in my heart has told me that I am meant to be a mom, and I don't understand why that has not been allowed to happen. Maybe we will have some answers in the future, or maybe we will never know the answer. I do know that we are taking some time off and are going to be just the two of us for a little while longer. I never thought that this would be my journey, but God has other plans. I can only hope to one day appreciate them more than I do now.